It looks like the things I do, the small things, go greatly unappreciated. I was trying to talk to Charlie and of course he turned everything around and made me look like a bad person, or that I had done something seriously fucked. I don't understand what I did, if I did do anything for that matter. He has yet to thank me for helping him get the apartment he is staying in and helping him move, etc. etc. It wasn't my responsibility and of course, I go unthanked for such things I didn't need or have to do.
In better light, Mike and I are doing great. Last night, he had said something that blew my mind away. I almost cried, but didn't. I asked if he really mean't it because that's just something you don't just say. I think he wanted to wait for the right moment, and I just said "say it." I figure I won't say it back, again, until that sure moment. That moment does arise in me a lot. <3
Okay, so I'm officially still in that weird stage of having a boyfriend. It's like. I want him here, but I don't want to smother him. And then if I do seem impulsive will he leave me? OR how much does he like me... o_0
I DONT FUCKING KNOW IM A SCARED
I really like this guy. Mike. He's so sexy, intelligent, AMAZING in bed. What more could a girl ask for? But I don't want to be that same girlfriend I always am. The clingy type. It's almost involuntary that this happens. It'll go away soon, I hope. I think, I hope. XD
Bah. Just like me to do this. Technology really hates me, I swear. I dropped my phone in a toilet of piss. After using the bathroom last night, DRUNK(duh), It fell out of my pocket in to the toilet. I reached my hands in to the pee pee water and grabbed it, STEAMED. THIS IS THE SECOND FUCKING PHONE! O.O Today, well just now, I called my service provider and they tell me I cannot get a replacement phone for whatever reason. I really didn't understand the foreign fuck on the phone, so I just hung up. It looks like I will have to rely ONCE AGAIN on my mother for support. I hate this...
I love this stuff, Adderall. I got two 30 mg XRs, and I took one today, I assume I can take the other tommorrow. I feel amazing right now. It's nice outside, but too bad I cannot leave til later. I'll shower when Wednesday takes her nap around 4 or 5. She's so strange when it comes to napping. o_0 Tonight when my mom get home the plan is to go see William for an hour or so, and then have Mike pick me up and we go to a mutual friend of ours place. I haven't seen him all week except Wednesday morning when I asked him to come get me from Jasons. SPEAKING OF!!!
Tuesday night, like EVERY Tuesday night, was ridiculous. I got wasted before and after the Wave with Amanda and Noelle. Some shit went down between a guy named Travis. His girlfriend caught Amanda and Noelle hugged up on him. It's sort of a big deal, but not really. I guess I would be skeptical as to the status of a relationship if I was in that situation as well. That night, although I too was completely smashed, drove them two, including a friend of Noelles brother, to Jason for safekeeping, and also because I needed to be home in the morning(that there is selfish). Everything was pretty much okay, until I had to bitch out Jasons friend to give me Noelles car keys so I could drive Amanda home. At that point I was not as drunk as earlier, and even if I was, I had a little more sense than they did. I finally had coaxed him and drove Amanda home safely, and got back safely as well. Noelle started texting me as soon as I came back telling me that she needed me to come upstairs, so I made my way inside and she was already standing there, crying. =( Seeing her cry gets me all sad inside, because she cries for good reason. Not to get her way, but because she really must. I walked her out to the car, with Spike(her brothers friend) and Jason, and asked if she would be okay to drive and she said "yes". Her and Spike drove off, leaving myself and Jason. I started stomping back to Jasons apartment, and he came after me asking me why I was so agitated. I don' remember why I was, I just was. It got to be around 5 or 6 in the morning, and I realized that I would not be getting a ride home by any of these people, so I called Mike, and he answered. I practically begged him to pick me up in the morning, and he accepted. Honestly, I did not want to interfere with his thoughts considering he had a job interview that morning, but he didn't mind, I guess. He arrived at about 8:30 or 9. I looked like utter shit,and a hooker from being at the wave, sweaty, and drunk, but he still hugged and kissed me.
Hopefully tonight will go smoothly. He got a wheel for his car and today apparently his dad and himself are going to get a tire and BAM! his car is fixed. I'm super excited =))
I get invited to this party, a HUGE party, at this extremely large home, somewhere. My friend Noelle lets me borrow her car, and for some odd reason cannot attend, but our mutual friend Amanda is coming as well. Johnny, and pretty much everyone I know from the Wave, and various other places. I ask Mike to come, and he gladly accepts, and we decide on meeting each other there. It's late at night, and I finally arrive to the party. There are many people who are already there, so I decide to join in on the fun and start drinking. I'm chatting with my friends, and Amanda I are mainly around each other for comfort reasons. Mike shows up about 30 mins to an hour later and we talk only for a little. I don't remember much from this, but he ends up upstairs in a bedroom with someone I know, named Crystal. Keep in mind, they have never met!!! and she poses no threat whatsoever. o_0 Crystak apparently lives at this house with several other poeple who are also at the party. So they are upstairs, and Mike is lying down, pants down to his knees, and Crystal giving him a handjob, while he fingers her. I walk in, and I look and he looks at me like it was nothing. I say: "what the fuck?" and he says "don't worry about it, just leave." I of course stand there in awe of the situation, and shout out "OH, this is Crystal. I should have known." and I leave. I stick around for a little, no tears shed whatsoever. Just me...pissed the fuck off...that once again, MEN have disappointed me.
Well, It looks like today was shot to hell. I had wanted to go out, but of course, no one was available, so I decided to stay in and 4chan,7chan,encyclopedia dramatica, and stumbleupon it up. Tommorrow, I would like to go to the Wave, with Noelle and Amanda, but I have no idea how that will work out considering I only have 5 bucks left to spend. Also, I would need Charlie to watch Wednesday incase I decide to commit some wild and crazy antic afterwards. (as bad as that sounds, i'm telling the truth)
My head has been hurting these past couple of days. I guess, I sort of feel awkward and distanced from me. A lot of new things have been happening lately, and my body is reacting very emotionally. It's annoying.
Tomorrow, I'll probably bus my way over to Charlies, in hopes that he is home, and chill out for a bit. We'll see what he has to say about that...HAH! I still need to move a shitton of things from over there, but that will be taken care of in due time. Living back out in vb feels weird. Mainly because I have a kid now, and normally if I wanted to go somewhere, I would just walk right out of the house. Instead, I can't. Having a little space helps with that.
Speaking of space, It's nice to have it, but since I have this thing about being alone, it sort of sucks. And right now, I'm very alone. I'm at lost for words, and I hate it.